I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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