1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
