I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
