Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
