I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize