I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
