my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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