she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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