i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize