You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
