thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
