final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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