Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
