No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
