I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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