I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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