Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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