haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
