we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
and eventually we just all took our pants off
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
