Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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