i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize