theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
