Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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