I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
