no. you can't hotbox the world.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
