Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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