So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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