I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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