Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize