Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
