Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
