Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
