I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
