Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize