It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
