I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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