Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
