Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
