The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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