I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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