So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
