Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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