Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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