Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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