I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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