So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
