There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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