I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
