do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
