Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My breasts were aching with rage.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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