everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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