never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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