Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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