is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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