omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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