Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
