I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
