Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
