i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
