Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we're so committed to being not committed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
