Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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