do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
