He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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