Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
