I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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