I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
