Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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