I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
