Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
