Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
