At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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