i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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