When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
