So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
