We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
