I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
