Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
