Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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