she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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