Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
